12 important needs of siblings and tips to address these needs

from Autism Support Network

1. SIBLINGS NEED COMMUNICATION THAT IS OPEN, HONEST, DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE, AND ONGOING. Parents may need to deal with their own thoughts and feelings before they can effectively share information with siblings. Children may show their stress through their withdrawal or through inappropriate behaviors. Siblings may be reluctant to ask questions due to not knowing what to ask or out of fear of hurting the parent. While doing research on siblings, Sandra Harris found that developmentally appropriate information can buffer the negative effects of a potentially stressful event (Harris, 1994).

2. SIBLINGS NEED DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE AND ONGOING INFORMATION ABOUT THEIR SIBLINGS’ ASD. Anxiety is most frequently the result of lack of information. Without information about a siblings’ disability, younger children may worry about “catching” the disability and/or whether they caused it. The young child will only be able to understand specific traits that they can see,
like the fact that the sibling does not talk or likes to line up their toys. Continue reading

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Believe In Your Child

By Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein

When I started my teaching career in my first school, I was filled to the brim with principles and ideas which I was convinced would enable me to become the teaching success of the century. Training college had taught me all the modern techniques: Psychology, Sociology and all the rest. In particular, I was convinced of the value of honesty and truth in education. There was simply no point in beating around the bush — the children would have to be honest with me, and I would be the same with them.

And so when it came to the annual report cards, I took it for granted that every parent would value my refreshingly frank comments. If a child had been disruptive and had wasted her time I said so, bullies were exposed, cheaters revealed and the angelic elite duly praised. Then two weeks later came the follow up… parents evening. This was the chance to explain my Report Card comments in full, and, no doubt, enjoy the deep gratitude which would be bestowed upon me by satisfied parents.

Now that I have school children of my own, I look back on the boyish and confident grin with which I greeted Mr and Mrs Proctor with disbelief and amazement. I now know that if any teacher dares to criticise any of my almost totally perfect offspring, it is only because they are mentally defective sadists, Anti-Semitic, or Anti-Semitic mentally defective sadists. Mr and Mrs Proctor seemed to have a similar view of me that night. Most of the parents did. Continue reading

Do you believe in your children more than anyone else–even more than they believe in themselves?

by Anne Hart

Do you, as a mom believe in your children more than anyone else—even more than they believe in themselves? Are you strict, but loving or just strict with not so much loving? Or are you loving and rewarding, but not strict? Is your goal to help your children do the best they can with what the children have to offer?

What happens when Sacramento mothers respond to the recent Wall Street Journal articles by Amy Chua, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior?” According to the Wall Street Journal article, Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and author of “Day of Empire” and “World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred and Global Instability.” The Wall Street Journal essay is excerpted from “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” by Amy Chua, to be published this week by the Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Is it an ethnic custom in Sacramento or anywhere else to demand excellence in school work from your children at all grade levels? Also check out the website, “The Tiger Mother Responds to Readers.” The term “Chinese Mother” also applies to Japanese and Korean mothers. Continue reading

Kenapa Kamu Tertawa?

By Endah W Soekarsono

Sore ini lengan kiri saya bengkak. Ya, tadi pagi saya digigit Lukman, anak spesial di sekolah kami. Dia menggigit saya ketika saya berusaha mengurai jari-jarinya yang mencengkeram jari seorang kakak sambil menangis. Begitu datang dia memang menangis keras sambil mengatakan, “Aku tidak mau sekolah.”

Ibunya langsung pulang karena beliau pasti sudah mafhum bahwa cara terbaik ya meninggalkan anak sekalipun dalam keadaan menangis. Mungkin itu adalah trik si anak saja. Dari nada tangisnya memang tampaknya ada sesuatu di rumah, tetapi tidak berarti tidak sekolah kan …..

Pembiasaan adalah hal yang kami tanamkan kepada setiap anak di sekolah kami. Sekali mereka diizinkan tidak bersekolah bukan karena sakit, kami khawatir itu akan melekat di benaknya. Dan dengan tangisan, kami akan meluluskan permintaannya. Continue reading

Duniaku Mulai Berwarna

By Endah W Soekarsono

Kelasku tetap sama, Kak Wiwik tetap di sana, namun teman-temanku tidak ada. Mereka ada di kelas sebelah. Foto-foto mereka ada di pintu kelas sebelah, tapi fotoku tidak ada di sana. Kupegangi kertas yang ditempeli foto-foto itu, dan kubalik setiap kali aku melewatinya. Aku tidak suka.

Ya, aku tidak suka dengan kelas baruku. Teman-temanku tidak kukenal. Apalagi ada seorang anak yang selalu dekat Kak Wiwik, Lukman*) namanya. Continue reading

Finding Happiness in Your Child

by Stan Goldberg Ph.D.

What do you think about when someone says “happiness?” Usually, what comes to mind are things, or outcomes. Happiness can be a four-car garage in the suburbs, a high-paying job, an expensive new car, or a child who becomes a successful professional. We have a tendency to externalize happiness. It becomes something intimately involved in a thing or event. It becomes a goal. Unfortunately, the path to that goal is often ignored. You had to have two backbreaking jobs just to afford the mortgage on the house with the four-car garage. That high-paying job was only possible by doing things in the workplace you would find unethical in social situations. The new car could only be purchased if you denied yourself simple pleasures over two years in order to afford your new status symbol. And what about your child? What would be required in order for you to feel happiness about what he or she achieves academically, socially, or professionally?

Once you associate happiness with goals, both you and your child are primed for a fall. The goals, many of which are unobtainable, become traps; if they can’t be reached, neither can your happiness. And by focusing on the goal, the path is often ignored. I worked with a parent whose whole life was focused on getting her daughter into a prestigious university. Continue reading

Five Ways to Stop School Behavior Problems

Even before they start.

By Terri Mauro, About.com Guide

There are all sorts of reasons why children misbehave in school. By the time a student is reacting with violence, it’s too late to institute a quick fix. Newspaper articles about children whose behavior problems have turned tragic often talk about missed opportunities and why nobody helped. Here are five ways to start dealing with problems or potential problems early, when there is still time to work with teachers and administrators to make school a tolerable place for your child.

1. Volunteer at your child’s school.
Being a presence at your child’s school — whether you volunteer at the libraryor help in the lunchroom, serve as class parent or staff special events — pays numerous dividends. It gets you known by the administration in a non-adversarial context. It lets your child know that school is important to you and a place you want to be. It gives you an opportunity to observe what goes on in that building, from the conduct of the students to the morale of the teachers. If you can’t spare the time to volunteer during the school day, attend every Home and School Association meeting you can, and be sure to show up for Back to School nights and teacher conferences. When school personnel get to know you as an involved and interested parent, they’re more likely to be your ally when problems come up.

2. Listen when your child talks. Continue reading